The Journey

 Today felt overwhelming, so many people struggling with illness.  Fear wanted to overwhelm, still does.  I need to stay healthy, but the worry shows that I am not trusting like I should.   It brings out all the bargaining, thinking that means something or influences.   That is not how HE works.  Honestly, I am thankful that it isn't how HE works. Though all this shows my struggle with trust.   I am thankful HE gets that too. I find myself whispering, I believe but heal my unbelief.   ABBA, You alone know my motive, my fear, my concern.  Trust is what You desire from me.  ABBA, You can help me with that struggle as well.    

 This morning I was walking out to my car to head to work.  I was running fast because I woke up late and my rhythm felt off from the start.   I love when I have the slow coffee with the reading scripture, I am trying to make my way through the Bible again, this time with a group of friends.    I did not get my reading done in the morning, so I felt off.  I knew this was not coming from Him but pressure I placed on myself.  The sun was shining and as I was walking to my car, I could hear a choir of birds singing.  It felt like I was being given the promise that spring was closer than it was, and I could accept that knowing that soon, very soon, I would not have to reach for the coat that I just don't enjoy.    I looked up and saw the choir sitting in the bushes, they were little, but they were carrying a tune that held promise.  When I went to work, I put in my ear buds to listen to a sermon that someone sent me, knowing I need...

  I was coming home today; I was coming to a popular neighborhood at a four way stop.  There was a man who threw his stuff to the ground and was having a deep and confrontational conversation with someone who was not there. He was under the influence of something.  I remember when the main concern at a stop sign or light is making sure no one runs it.  Now you have to watch that you do not his someone. They stand asking for donations and you wonder do I give or do I not give.  You know their sign is probably not the truth but lies to prompt someone's heart to give.  To reward a lie.  I think that most of us prompt a lie in our life to obtain some kind of reward. Whether that is acceptance or gain attention.   The thing is, God know our truth and he asks us where you are, who told you that.  I think how He knows everything about us past, present and future.  Yet we try to hide the truth.    Life yelling for us to stop the a...

 Today was Monday, it was a beautiful day.   I find myself thankful that ABBA gave me another day by waking me up.   I thanked Him early for a new day and I asked to see Him in my day.    Today, my dad woke up really struggling, I am thankful it settled, and my mom was able to do today with him.  Abba carried them both. I am thankful for provision of all my needs and wisdom for all the decisions that I needed to make today.   I am thankful for the redtail hawk I saw on my way home.  It flew right in front of my car like it was screaming look at me.   I am thankful for the fly over because I always think of my dad when I see a hawk because he taught me what to look for and I love to see them fly.   Other than an eagle, they glide in the most beautiful way.   I am thankful that nothing is wasted with God, that HE sees the bigger picture when I do not.   Today's reading was detailed about the bui...

  Today is Sunday.... sometimes these are the longest of days.   Our pattern has changed... we have each other to talk too but miss our friends.  They miss socializing and seeing everyone in their church, I miss going and pausing intentionally.   So, these days become long.    This morning I heard a quote that had me stop and pause, "You know you're growing when you desire God Himself, more than what you can get from Him" Christine Caine.    I began to ask myself what my motive is, am I quiet because I trust or am I quiet because I do not know what to say.  I have a desperate need for Him.   And truthfully, I know HE knows all of them without me asking Him. Can I call it simple trust that HE will provide or is my silence because I am just walking this through?   I heard another word this morning: Kavanah-which means you are standing in the presence of God.   And is this not all the time in my day. ...

 Today was a welcomed Saturday.   A slight covering of snow and ice on the trees.   The sun dancing on the ice crystals was like a tree full of diamonds.  If it were so, I would run to gather in hopes of provision to make different choices.  But the Provider knows best.  He really does.   I am thankful for preordering a book from an author is genuine, real and deep.    For a text from my nephew who is interested in photography.    A small nap and time to rest and allow my body catch up from the trauma of the week.  We were all quiet today, resting, allowing our body to catch up from the week.    I watch my dad; we ask if he wants to stay up later tonight.  He says no, he is thinking of going to bed.  I ask him if he has a bedtime story, his answer "there are three bears, and they are going to bed".   That was it.  I just laughed.   When he gets up, you can see the age ...

 I had to back out of the driveway because of the cars in the driveway.   Honestly, I longed to stay home.  It was a messy rainy, soon to be ice kind of day.   It was Friday and my week was catching up to me.   I looked in my screen in my car thinking of the road behind me.   Then thinking about the road ahead.   I think about retirement, but I am still a bit away unless God provides differently.   I think about the needed pause to only take care of myself but having no regret in taking care of my parents.  But a pause sometimes would be welcomed.   I am currently reading about the Israelites who wanted to go back to bondage after facing hardship.  Losing sight of the promise and the Promise keeper.   I can be guilty of that myself.   Backwards is not the answer.  Looking up is.  

 I am thankful that my brother and my dad were able to go out for an adventure.   It was a gift for my brother.    I brought dinner home from King Tut because I knew my brother has not had King Tut for a long time.   We sat at the table where my mom told me that my brother and dad wanted to nap all day.  My brother said that mom wouldn't allow them too.  That she had them ready to take her an hour ahead of time.   My dad joined into the joking.  His smile and laughter were such a gift.  It has been a while since I have seen that part of him.  It hides these days.  But on this night, he joined in.   The gift of laughter was a treasure to me.  

 No Picture for today.   I had a first and it was a bit dramatic for me.  It is funny how you face a situation that you once thought would be horrible but now numb because of all that was faced.  You face it with anxiety but you go through knowing there are bigger issues.   So, today I am thankful my brother was in town and could help me with my parents.   I needed to move slower today.